Are you ready for zombies, gore, and spooky monsters? I know I am.

I apologize for my hiatus, I have been moving around and getting used to things. Sometimes I feel like a cat in a new place.. just feeling it out room by room. In the mean time I have been learning so many new things.

 

Happiness isn't out there. 

It is inside of you. 

 

Follow your dreams. 

It has always amazed me how people readily accept the magnificent displays created during the weathering of stone, but the change and beauty within their own soul via the erosion of particular parts is rarely seen as being an awe inspiring masterpiece... when in reality that is how some of the grandest miracles take place.

"Past and future only exist in our mind. The present moment though, it’s outside of time, it’s eternity."

- Coelho (Aleph)

 

“To be respected by this sick humanity you have to be sicker than they are. Then they will accept you. But what will you gain? You lose your soul and you will gain nothing.”

—

Osho

 

There are so many ways to look at existence.  Limitless.

Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside of you.
 -Rumi

 

Your true identity is yours alone.

Every adventure requires a first step. Trite, but true.

 
If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.

I am just really tired of being me lately.

I got a new tattoo, among the other new things that keep happening.

"Everyone says love hurts, but that’s not true.  Loneliness hurts.  Rejection hurts.  Losing someone hurts.  Envy hurts.  Everyone gets these things confused with love; but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.  Love is the one thing in this world that does not hurt."

if someone loves you 
they will never ask you to change
not through words, 
not through actions.
if they love you as you are
they will let you change
with out interruption,
at your pace
because that is your 
essence.

When you find yourself cocooned in isolation and despair and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings.

I have nothing fucking useful to say. I'm done.

Nobody wants to be here and nobody wants to leave.

 

There is no such thing as making up for lost time.

"Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important, capture the good times, develop the negatives, and if things don't work out, just take another shot."

unknown source

 

It’s sad when people you know become people you knew.

Do not promise me anything, 'cause I won't believe you. 

Any time is a long enough time for things to change.

Whatever your reasons; I don't care. 

They've promised that dreams can come true but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too. 

Oscar Wilde

It is merely your belief in the existence of permanence that keeps you where you are.

There is no one out there who will ever make you whole. 

Two parts of a whole does not equal completion. 

It is still just two incomplete wholes for two incomplete people.

I would rather hear:
 "thank you for guiding and supporting me in finding my missing parts"
opposed to:
 "you complete me"
any day.

 

I believe in everything; nothing is sacred. I believe in nothing; everything is sacred.  

Tom Robbins

My life needs something sweet. Something that won't turn bitter as soon as it hits my tongue.

It is easy to find comfort in the illusion of certainty. Grasping on to what one knows, forfeiting potentially more rewarding situations for the childish need of comfort and empty promises of happiness. The facades of change are knowingly embraced. You can promise yourself that this time is different. The sands of doubt will perpetually infiltrate your fragile cocoon, in spite of the hope that fortifies it. If this does not suffocate you, regret undoubtedly will.

She tries it on, like a dress.

She decides it doesn't fit,

and starts to take it off.

Her skin comes, too.

- Love; Lola Haskins

stale·mate  (stlmt)

n.

1. A situation in which two opposing forces find that further action is impossible or futile; deadlock

2. A situation in the game of chess where the player whose turn it is to move is not in check but has no legal moves. A stalemate ends the game in a draw (i.e. having no winner).

 

There are days when I can feel the hurt of living. The burning in the back of my knees. Growing pains. 

 

I always read the missed connections, you know... just in case I missed a connection. 

oh hi! happy 24th birthday to me! i hope this year brings me something new and wonderful.

We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.

 

There's still time to change the road you're on. 

There is nothing I love more than when all of the fruit and vegetables start coming in to season. 

Take all opportunities given to escape the fortified castle that you have created for yourself.

 

In my sleeping head I always end up in buildings that have been torn down for years... in moments that are long past.
Oh, these places I can never escape from..

 

it's time.

 

Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that’s where I imagine it - there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library.

— Haruki Murakami

Sometimes I wish humans still believed that the Earth is flat. There is something very unsettling about realizing that no matter how far you travel there is never an end, instead you just end up right back where you were. No matter how badly you want to drop off the face of the Earth, you can't.

"Never ignore a person who loves and cares for you. One day you may realize you've lost the moon while counting the stars." 

 

I can't even comprehend how many friends I have lost over the years. I've wasted so much time taking people for granted as I chased hopeless ideas, obsessed over shallow lovers and vindictively closed myself off. I now find myself wanting to wrap everyone up in my arms and tell them everything, if only I had realized sooner... maybe then there would be ears to listen and warmth to hold.

There are times I wish I didn't feel so alone. Some days pass with more ease than others... either way I am doing the best that I can.

 

stay golden.

 

I have often wondered whether our instincts are driven by our "heart" or our "head". Over the past few weeks I have realized that it is definitely not the heart. The heart will gladly lead you astray. It causes you to let others take advantage of you, to treat you badly, and to keep these people in your life because the heart tells you that you love them. The head can be questionable too, a little bit too hard and quick to destroy things due to reason. It can be cold and distancing. It can tell you to push people out of your life instead of giving them patience and understanding that they are just as confused as anyone else. I believe that instincts are in the "gut", at least in my case. As my head and my heart battle it out my gut is there, meditating on the events of the day and the issues at hand. In the end it is the one to draw the line in the sand, between giving too much and not giving enough. When I think of instincts I think of self preservation. It is giving yourself and others the chance so in the end, if things don't work out you can at least say you did your best while also telling you when enough is enough. My instincts provide a balanced place where the heart can be opened and love can come in, but can also go out when needed. When I follow my gut I never feel like I am giving up,  it gives me chances to grow and chances to choose the path of least resistance by doing what is right for me, and for those around me. It will never tell me to hold on to those who cause me harm, and it will never allow me to abandon those that bring me happiness. I no longer find myself bound to reason or to emotion, and in this place I am free. The veil is lifted and I can truly see what love really is.